Graphic by Caroline King

Graphic by Caroline King

 My Nike Revolution 3s Didn’t End Patriarchal Neoliberalism and I Demand a Refund

By White Liberal Female

2 · 10 · 2019


When Donald Trump was elected president, the white power elite— a constant source of comfort to me in trying times, like when my salon was overbooked before prom or when I got into Cornell and not Princeton—embarrassed me for the first time in my white, female, millennial life. As a member of a demographic that dedicated 52% of its votes to Trump, I felt uncomfortable trying to claim my identity as a member of an oppressed group when it seemed so many of peers preferred subordination. So I did what any upper class white college student would do: I threw my parent’s money at my problems.

This involved a lengthy online shopping session, during which I laid down $30 for a The Future is Female shirt and $40 for a pink pussy hat to wear to the Women’s March. I could already see the Instagram post. But if I was to fully ease my anxieties about having benefited from the very system of inequality I had railed against in the written portion of my college applications, I needed to double down on my consumerism. This required a new pair of shoes.

I browsed online and found countless options within my budget ($300), all with the arch support needed for me to walk to Starbucks halfway through the march before going home early to beat traffic. I was about to click “purchase: on my third pair of Air Forces (pink this time) when I saw the Women’s Revolution 3s.

These babies were just under $50 and quite clearly guaranteed the first ever successful Marxist uprising upon purchase. I thought it was interesting that a company that coerces overseas sweatshop workers into accepting poor conditions and low pay by destroying their local economies would offer a complete equalization of classes in the form of a shoe, but like most economic systems that benefit me, I didn’t question it.

Which is why, when my shoes arrived in the mail 2 days later (express shipping was only $15!) I was confused about why society was operating the same way it always had. As a customer, I am wholly unsatisfied.